Memorial Day weekend is over and I didn’t manage to get to a theater to see the Hangover 2. Very disappointing. On the bright side, the Blog Tour I took part in was a huge success (by this backwater blog’s standard). 120 commenters are getting a free ebook copy of my novel and even better, I’ll be sending 600 copies to U.S. miltary service men and women. Hope they enjoy it.
What else has been happening?
Somewhat disappointing that no aging action stars/former governors (of which I believe the list is two, Arnie and the now completely batshit crazy Jesse Ventura) have been caught in new sex scandels with the hired help.
Oprah Winfrey wrapped up her show. I was hogtied to a chair with my eyelids pried open Clockwork Orange-style by my wife to watch the DVR recording of the two part farewell spectacular. Painful. Like glass rod in the urethra smashed by a hammer painful. But there was one moment when the entire show could have been redeemed. Will Smith (who takes himself pretty fucking seriously considering he used to walk around in Dayglo jumpers and sing shitty rap songs as the Fresh Prince) and his wife were bouncing around on stage like two kids jacked up on eight bowls of Cap’n Crunch when they announced that there would be one final superstar guest to bid adieu to Oprah. I found myself hoping against hope that this final guest would be Pauly Shore. Could you imagine the deafening silence of the entire United Center (yes, that’s right, this whole fucking thing was put on in a 20,000 person capacity basketball arena) when Will Smith announced Pauly Shore after Crazy Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Jerry Seinfeld, Jamie Fox (who also takes himself pretty fucking seriously considering he was the guy who dressed up in drag as Wanda on In Living Color), John Travolta and all the other Scientologists? That would have been a great moment. Even Oprah couldn’t have faked being so very moved by Pauly Shore’s appearance. Of course it wasn’t Pauly Shore. It was that obnoxious midget Usher (I’m 5’8″ so I get to say such things).
For some reason my blog ate the post where I started a new interactive game for my readers. So, back by popular demand, here it is again. I will post a picture and you will tell me if it is the DVD cover of a gay bukkake porn video or a picture of a basketball superstar and a guy worth $2 billion dollars. Ready? Here goes: