Random Thoughts

Turned off the game last night with Miami up by 15 and Lebron and Wade dancing around like a couple of ass clowns.  Of course Dallas stormed back and won the game.  Fuck.

So, Mitt Romney has announced a second bid to run for President.  In early polls he is the strongest Republican candidate trailed only slightly by, wait for it, Sarah Palin.  If this holds, voters are going to have a choice between Obama or a guy who believes in Magic Underpants or a woman who once said “But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies,” when asked about her stance regarding the hostilities between the two Koreas in late 2010.

Apparently there is some guy robbing banks in Ohio whom Federal investigators have dubbed the “Mullet Bandit” owing to a particular haircut that is business in the front and party in the back.  As he enters the bank, does a Flock of Seagulls song start playing on the bank’s sound system?  Gino Vanelli?

The US Customs and Border Protection Agency has made all of us a little safer…from drunken Asian businessmen singing “Don’t Stop Believing” and “Wanna be Startin’ Somethin'”.  Almost 2,000 counterfit karaoke machines were seized at the Los Angeles port.  In other news, you can still be an eight ball next to virtually every grade school in the United States.

Looking for something to read this weekend?  Try The Emperor of Glitter Gulch.  Link to the ebook to the right.

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Weiner’s Junk

Perhaps looking to one-up Congressman Chris Lee, who sent a woman he had met on craigslist a photo of himself shirtless and flexing, Congressman Anthony Weiner reportedly went Brett Favre and twittered a photo of his genitalia to a 21 year old woman.  Now, Weiner has claimed that his twitter account was hacked and that he is the victim of some elaborate prank, but, and this is key, Weiner “can’t say with certitude” that the picture of dangling genitalia is not his.

Hmm.  So, while he claims that he is definitely not behind the dissemination of the photo, he cannot say that the photo is not in fact a photo of his frank and beans.  Quick question, Weiner, what the fuck are you doing with a picture of your junk?  I mean am I the only guy who doesn’t snap candid shots of my weiner with any old cell phone or camera I stumble across.  Yawn, I’m bored.  Maybe I’ll just snap a few shots of my dick with this here Blackberry.  How’s the lighting in here?

To add further strangeness to the matter, NBC reports that Weiner “suggested that the lewd picture may have been ‘manipulated’ and he has retained an internet security firm to investigate.”

So, is Weiner claiming that the depicted penis is bigger than it appears in real life?  Smaller?

Ah, technology.  remember when a political sex scandel only involved the President inserting a cigar into the vagina of an intern in the Oval Office?

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Back to Regularly Scheduled Programming

Memorial Day weekend is over and I didn’t manage to get to a theater to see the Hangover 2.  Very disappointing.  On the bright side, the Blog Tour I took part in was a huge success (by this backwater blog’s standard).  120 commenters are getting a free ebook copy of my novel and even better, I’ll be sending 600 copies to U.S. miltary service men and women.  Hope they enjoy it.

What else has been happening?

Somewhat disappointing that no aging action stars/former governors (of which I believe the list is two, Arnie and the now completely batshit crazy Jesse Ventura) have been caught in new sex scandels with the hired help.

Oprah Winfrey wrapped up her show.  I was hogtied to a chair with my eyelids pried open Clockwork Orange-style by my wife to watch the DVR recording of the two part farewell spectacular.  Painful.  Like glass rod in the urethra smashed by a hammer painful.  But there was one moment when the entire show could have been redeemed.  Will Smith (who takes himself pretty fucking seriously considering he used to walk around in Dayglo jumpers and sing shitty rap songs as the Fresh Prince) and his wife were bouncing around on stage like two kids jacked up on eight bowls of Cap’n Crunch when they announced that there would be one final superstar guest to bid adieu to Oprah.  I found myself hoping against hope that this final guest would be Pauly Shore.  Could you imagine the deafening silence of the entire United Center (yes, that’s right, this whole fucking thing was put on in a 20,000 person capacity basketball arena) when Will Smith announced Pauly Shore after Crazy Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Jerry Seinfeld, Jamie Fox (who also takes himself pretty fucking seriously considering he was the guy who dressed up in drag as Wanda on In Living Color), John Travolta and all the other Scientologists?  That would have been a great moment.  Even Oprah couldn’t have faked being so very moved by Pauly Shore’s appearance.  Of course it wasn’t Pauly Shore.  It was that obnoxious midget Usher (I’m 5’8″ so I get to say such things).

For some reason my blog ate the post where I started a new interactive game for my readers.  So, back by popular demand, here it is again.  I will post a picture and you will tell me if it is the DVD cover of a gay bukkake porn video or a picture of a basketball superstar and a guy worth $2 billion dollars.  Ready?  Here goes:

Dirk Nowitzki and Mark Cuban - 2001

And go!

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Blog Tour de Troops

 Memorial Day weekend.  We all know what that means.  The Hangover 2 is here!  Yeah, player.

What?  Memorial Day weekend wasn’t created as a means to ensure that as many people as possible have the requisite time off work to see the Hangover 2?  It’s a holiday to honor soldiers who serve their country bravely?  Hunh.

This Memorial Day weekend, I’m joining over 30 authors in thanking the troops for their service in protecting our freedoms.  How are we doing that?  Every commenter on my blog today gets a free ebook copy of my novel The Emperor of Glitter Gulch.  Not only that (wow, I sound like a guy hawking boosted stereos out of the trunk of my car), but for every commenter on my blog, I will send an ebook copy of my novel to one of the soldiers.  But wait, there’s more (okay, now I sound like that Shamwow guy), every commenter on my blog today is entered into a draw for a free Kindle.  There will also be a draw for a Kindle for one the troops.

Some of you might have wandered over here from Dawn Wilson’s blog http://www.dawn-theyearofwritingdangerously.blogspot.com/ which was the previous stop on this blog tour.  If not, head back there and check it out.  Dawn is giving out free copies of her book LEAVING THE COMFORT CAFE, a book about crazy Southern white people.  And also be sure to check out the next stop on the blog tour tomorrow morning, Rachel Thompson over at http://rachelintheoc.com, whose book A WALK IN THE SNARK was featured in the Huffington Post Book Section.  That’s a great book you get for free.  Her blog is like Cosmo on steroids.  Not that I’ve ever read Cosmo far as you know.  The same deal applies at all the blogs on this blog tour.  The full list of authors and donors is over at Indie Book Collective Blog.  So there are lots of free ebooks this whole weekend.

Not sure if you’d like The Emperor of Glitter Gulch?  Can’t blame you there, I might seem a little on the weird side.  Here’s a short look at The Emperor of Glitter Gulch:

Leonard Orton inhabits a part of Las Vegas that most tourists never see; the dirty underbelly of a city populated by hookers and strippers, juiced-up bouncers and semi-professional cage fighters.  Leonard is in the process of running his flagging law firm into the toilet when a woman approaches him to handle a case that might prove to be his salvation.  And even if he is a bad lawyer, and Leonard is certainly that — quite possibly the worst lawyer in all ofLas Vegas, which would place him high in the running for worst lawyer worldwide — Leonard has a chance to resurrect his career and gain a measure of retribution against his lifelong nemesis.

Along the way, Leonard must overcome clashes with a homicidal ex-client with a penchant for inflicting bodily harm with a croquet mallet, a frequently naked Vietnamese butcher, a judge who insists that litigants perform calisthenics in lieu of oral arguments, and a couple of Eastern European hookers whom just might be the death of him.  If he can stay out of jail and avoid the annoyingly persistent investigator from the bar association long enough to keep his license, Leonard just might be able to uncover some of his long lost dignity.

You can also check out a review of The Emperor over at the Man Eating Bookworm http://themaneatingbookworm.blogspot.com/2011/05/emperor-of-glitter-gultch-by-roy-finch.html.

So if you want a free ebook copy of The Emperor for you and one of the troops, leave a comment.  Be sure to include an email address where I can send you the Smashwords coupon to get your free copy (Smashwords has versions of the book that will work with pretty much anything – Nook, Kobo, laptops, cell phones, Sony Readers, Apple, etc.). 

Oh, and enjoy the Hangover 2.

Edit – Thus wraps up the first day of Blog Tour de Troops.  Make sure to head over to Rachel Thompson’s blog http://rachelintheoc.com first thing in the morning.  Really funny lady, whose book A Walk in the Snark is sure to entertain you.

Thanks for stopping by.

And a last tip of the hat to all of our soldiers posted here and abroad for the fantastic job they do.

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The Rapture Redux

I’m as shocked as you are.  Despite Harold Camping’s extensive Bible study and resultant doomsday prediction that the world would end on May 21, it didn’t.  You know who else is shocked?  Harold Camping.  Not shocked enough to give back the shitload of money his followers sent him in preparation for the rapture, but shocked nonetheless.  According to the New York Times, when asked about returning donations, Camping said, “We’re not at the end.  Why would we return it?”

Why indeed.  And there are a few things to point out that old Harold might have just been a few days or weeks premature.  Think about this.

The Oprah Show has something like one episode left, which might lead to an uprising of jacked-up pseudo-feminist housewives around the world.

The NFL labor strife continues, which might lead to an uprising of obese beer-swilling and fantasy football addicted men across North America.

The release of Lady Gaga’s latest album on Yahoo crashed their servers, which might lead to an uprising of weird and disaffected emo youth around the globe.

Tom Brady, New England Patriots quarterback and supposedly a manly man, was captured by a photog thusly:

Strange days indeed.

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More Sports

If you don’t like sports, you should probably stop reading here.  Oh, that would presume people are actually reading this.

So I was watching baseball highlights last night and saw a clip of the Rangers-White Sox game.  In the bottom of the sixth, the Rangers batter hit a lazy fly ball foul to the first base seats.  AJ Pierzinski, the White Sox catcher, ran over to the first row of seats, reached around the net and tried to catch the ball as it dropped into the first row of seats.  The occupants of those seats?  George W and Laura Bush.  George W reacted like a grenade had been lobbed into the seats, all but hiding behind Laura.  I found this jarring.  This is the man who, while probably going down as the worst two-term President in the history of the United States, threw one of the best celebrity first pitches in the history of celebrity pitches.  He fucking nailed the first pitch but looked like a a guy falling out of his seat to avoid his buddy’s projectile vomit at closing time because of a lazy fly ball?  I’m confused.

I don’t know if I was more impressed by the Mavs comeback last night or the absolute burn-it-to-the-ground collapse of the Thunder.  I finally saw the NBA equivalent of the prevent defense (that only prevents the team from winning) executed by the Thunder.  With a big lead they decided to run down the clock, which makes sense  in isolation.  There’s no sense in jacking up a shot early in the clock, but the Thunder would run the clock down to about five seconds and then Westbrook or Durant would jack up a three from six feet behind the line.  Horrible to watch.  Sure, run down the clock, but you might want to run a fucking play.

The collapse by the Thunder doesn’t take anything away from Nowitski’s late game play.  Wow.  Best performance by a German since a German Schweizer video I saw that prominently involved two dwarves, a gas mask, a car battery and a souvenir baseball bat.

RIP Randy Savage.  Brought me back to my unfortunate pre-adolescence that I would just as soon forget.  Makes me want to snap into a fucking Slimjim.

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Hungover and Waiting for the End of the World

So, the crazies are out in force claimng that today is the End of Times.  Harold Camping, a radio host and leader of some sort of wacko Christian movement has proclaimed that the world will end today based on his interpretation of the bible.  Millions of people apparently are buying into this.

One would think you would have one chance to prophesize the end of the world.  You pick a date (based on extensive Bible study, which kind of reminds me of the time crazy Tom Cruise verbally flagellated Matt Lauer, “You’re glib, Matt.  You don’t know the history of psychiatry.  I do.  I’ve studied it.”  Like high school dropout Tom Cruise spent his days squirreled away pouring over tomes on psychiatry) and claim that will be the Armageddon.  And if you’re wrong, well too bad, you’ve blown your fucking wad.  Not Harold Camping.  This is just one of numerous times this kook has prophesized the rapture.

So as I deal with a massive hangover, I await the rapture.  What do you think is a good pre-rapture meal?  I’m thinking chimichangas.

In other news, Peter Leonard over at The Man Eating Bookworm has reviewed my novel.  He must be almost as big of a kook as Harold Camping because he gave it a positive review.  Here’s the link: http://themaneatingbookworm.blogspot.com/

See you on the other side of the rapture.

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